I DON'T KNOW!!  I'm always worried about what other people need or want.  I'm always scouring the horizon when it comes to those around me that I'm closest to.  Have I asked them enough questions about themselves? Do they feel loved?Are they hungry? What would THEY like to eat?  Are they hot?  Are they bored? Do we need to play a game? Where do we go on vacation that will please everyone?  Hawaii?  Did someone say Hawaii?  Do/Did I really want to go there, or are there other places I would like to visit more?  

You get the idea.  I'm so worried about what other people want that I have no clue what I want.  Or need. It's definitely a thief of joy.

We hear a lot about self-care.  What does that even mean?  I know it has something to do with rejuvenation.  But at this point I don't even know what rejuvenates me anymore.  Being alone sounds amazing.  In my own house.  Not on vacation anywhere.  Going on vacation somewhere sets in a whole group of expectations such as going places, seeing new things, trying new things.  I honestly don't want any of that.  Right now.  I also know that there's a fine line between self-care and indulgence.  Ice cream every day isn't self-care.  It's tastes delicious but it doesn't recharge my batteries.  What does?

This is definitely something that will take a lot of thought.  And prayer.  God knows me better than I do. I need to begin compiling a list.....

--Deep Conversations

--The sound of water (rivers, beaches)

--Yoga

--Exercise...really? or am I just saying that because I'm supposed to?  Scary!

--Being outside

Reading

What will bring me JOY?  What brings you joy?

A HAPPY PLACE

Some places just bring you peace.  All the time.  Our cabin is one of them, for me.  

 I don't know that there's anything more to say.  It's beautiful and brings joy to my heart and soul.  It lifts me when I'm there and it's quiet.

 CHOICE

    In all things we have a choice. I have learned that in every circumstance, good or bad, we have a choice.  A choice in how we're going to react AND how we treat each other. Our choices can bring joy or sorrow.  Which one are you going to choose?

"Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man.  And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." 2 Nephi 2:27

I learned this lesson in living color this week.  I am slow to learn.  God is always trying to teach me this lesson.  But this week I actually saw it.  Hopefully it sticks.  I'm slow.

I had the opportunity to take lunch over to my aging aunt and uncle.  Their daughter, who is usually their full time caregiver, got Covid and was sequestered in a hotel somewhere.  

I was asked and willingly offered to help.  I love my aunt and uncle.  It's impossible not to love them.  They are quick to laugh and be grateful.  Two keys to having joy.

When I took them lunch, they were so grateful.  Both for the food and the company.  I loved visiting them.  Even if I have to scream to be heard.  My uncle is terribly deaf.  And my aunt is struggling with dementia.  But I didn't mind.  They wanted an update on my mom who is the sister to my uncle.  My mom and her brother love each other so much.  It's truly joyful to watch.

The thing that took my breath away was how my aunt and uncle still treat each other after 50+ years of marriage.  Even though they have to repeat themselves over and over to each other, they do so with love and patience. Then when my aunt seemed confused or didn't remember what to do, my uncle was patient in telling her she was doing it right.  And was fine.  It's incredible to watch.  Almost unreal in this day and time when anger, animosity and discord flourish. Their concern is always with the other person.  

It's beautiful and joyful to watch.  I always come away from their home a little better.  Kinder.  More patient and willing to seek another's comfort first. Thank you Uncle Mont and Aunt Barbara for your incredible example.  I love you.    

FAITH

When I was 16, 17, 18 years old to about the age of 25, my faith was rock solid.  Immovable.  My faith was built on bedrock and couldn't be moved.  

At least that's what I thought.  God was a part of my life.  He answered my prayers.  He was there.  I KNEW it.  

But then hard things happened.  Children had agency they used in a way that hurt them instead of helping them.  B used his agency in a way that hurt me.  And him.  I was bumped and bruised and I began to wonder where God and Christ were in all of this mess and hurt.  

I know I have to have hurt and sorrow.  I have to learn.  I have to have gain wisdom only available by experience.  I have to empathy born of that experience.  But it hurt. And continues to hurt.  And couldn't Christ minimize the pain?

My faith has taken a different path.  When I pray, I wonder if God is going to answer because it's his will?  Or am I going to have to navigate this on my own this since the answer to my pleadings are a resounding no from Him?'  And when the answer is no, I wonder if he's there and has he heard me?  

Why wouldn't he give me what I ask for when what I ask for is meant to bless everyone involved? But sometimes my request is to minimize the full measure of the pain that God requires or desires me to experience.  I hate that part.

Today my plea is to Let God Prevail (RMN, Oct. 2020).  I know in my head I need to do this.  My head knows that 'He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him.'  My hard and willful heart is still trying to know it.  And struggles to lay down the desire to have it my way.  My way doesn't know better.  God and my Savior do.  I want that faith back from my 16 year old self.  

 CAPTURED INTO

BABYLON

I have been thinking about the idea of being captured into Babylon.  

The Israelites continued to become more and more wicked.  They strayed farther and farther from the covenant path the Lord had set forth for them.  They were stuck in rules, rites, rituals instead of the true meaning of the Law.  Bringing us to the Savior.  Loving God and neighbor.  They were quick to judge and slow to bestow mercy. 

Prophets warned of them being taken captive.  Jeremiah, Ezekiel, Nephi and Isaiah to name a few.  

Revel 18:2-4 And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird.

For all nations have drunk of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies.

And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues 

Jeremiah 51: 6 Flee out of the midst of Babylon

1 Nephi 1:13...many things did my father read concerning Jerusalem--that it should be destroyed, and the inhabitants thereof; many should perish by the sword, and many should be carried away captive into Babylon.

This pic is one of the ruins of Babylon that is in modern day Iraq.

How does that equate to me in today's world?

I think I've decided we've all been taken captive into Babylon in one way or another.  Unless you're the prophet. 

I consider my caffeine and chocolate addiction being taken captive.

Others buy into the idea of the latest trends.  Which I guess is me too, again.  

We just got new flooring on the main floor.  LVP is what it's called.  And it's what 100% of new houses have.  No more tile.  And very limited carpeting.  LVP is just easier to clean and keep up.  Especially in my world of dogs.  But then I'm justifying, aren't I? And I'm digressing.

I think the whole idea of being taken captive is an individual thing and depends on whatever it is in your life that distracts you from your relationship with the Savior and God.  

But how do you flee Babylon?  It's all around us.  In your face, always.

For me, maybe it means getting up early and being with God and my Savior in prayer and in the scriptures.  Pondering is a big one for me.  And not just pondering about what I'm going to do that day. Or what problem needs tackling.  Pondering about God and spiritual things helps my focus and opens me up to revelation and insights that would never have occurred to me if I hadn't been still and quiet.  

Fleeing Babylon also looks like praying vocally in the car when I'm running errands.  Or thinking about what I read that morning.  Fleeing Babylon also means looking to my family and neighbors and their needs and serving them first before other things.  I don't need that extra trip to Costco spending $300 and not coming home with anything to show for it but milk, eggs, fruit veg. bread and cheese.

We are the Children of Israel.  We are of the Covenant Promise of Israel.  

It's time to flee Babylon and put our Savior in His rightful place.  At the head of our lives.

 

B and I had to go to the grocery story last Saturday.  I know that is nothing new in ANYONE'S world.  In fact, we go waaay too often.  Spending way too much money each time we do.

On this specific Saturday there was a group of scouts doing a food drive for the local food pantry.  It was refreshing to see instead of the usual notice on the front door saying they were coming on a given day to collect.  And it was no trouble for us to go in the store and get something that was on sale and non-perishable to add to what they had already collected. Easy.

These boys were giving up a Saturday to serve someone they don't know and will never see.

Refreshing.

Service isn't in our vocabulary much any more.  Especially for the youth.  It should be but it isn't. 

I know there are many parents/grandparents who are service oriented.  But not enough.  Many kids are entitled and don't want to do anything unless they know what's in it for them.

On two different Thanksgivings, after we had eaten, we put together pantry packs.  These pantry packs are given to the local food pantry.  They, in turn, given them out to children who don't have consistent meals over the weekends when they can't get breakfasts and lunches from school.  The younger grandkids LOVED putting these packs together.  It took us less than half an hour to do the 50 kits we had planned for.  They wanted to do more. At that time we just didn't have the resources to do more.  We had to pay for everything that goes in those pantry packs including the Ziploc bags they were packed in.

Watching those scouts made me realize how important it is for kids to have experiences serving those who can't give anything back. My job, as a grandma, is to watch for opportunities for service for my kids and grandkids. That we can all do together.  Because I know that "....when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." Mosiah 2:17 

 

I hope you'll indulge me while I wax eloquent for a minute....Friday Chris invited me to go with him and the boys to hike Donut Falls. Good memories from years past. But not the hike I remembered.  I'm getting old I guess. 

It was a beautiful day, albeit a little chilly when we started. And I think for Chris and I it wasn't the hike we quite expected. Although being in the mountains is a good day any day! And for me, I was with the people I love. There were a couple of places where we had to cross the river. Mack was on Chris's back. The first crossing Chris grabbed Lukey and just hauled him over. Beck was fine. There were a couple of other places before the second crossing where I was able to help Luke while Chris had Mack. Beck was a mountain goat. 

When we came to the second crossing (if that's what you want to call it.) It was kinda like getting to the falls up Adams canyon. You're basically on your own except for a precariously placed skinny log with a few others around it. Kind of a free for all

Chris made it across again with both boys. I don't know how he did it. I think both Beck and I managed to step in the water but Chris made it across dry.

I felt bad for not being more help. My core isn't what it used to be.

Here's the deal, if we crossed the river twice getting up there we had to cross it going back.

When we got to the water Chris told Luke to hang on tight. Luke did, but it wasn't good enough. So Chris said 'No, put your arms around me and hang on as tight as you can.'

They made it.

I'm not mentioning what my crossing looked like. 

The rest of the hike was fairly uneventful except for a scraped knee at the end. But it's not a hike with kids unless there's some casualty.

Here's my thoughts...and I know you know where I'm going with this....

Life is becoming full on crazy. We all thought we were in for a beautiful easy life. At least I did! It is beautiful, but not without pain and difficulty.

There are parts (most parts, actually) that we can't do alone. We need help. First of all, we need each other. I'm soo grateful for each and every one of you who are a bright spot and example to me in so many ways that you will never fully know. I love you all soo much!

Also, we need the Savior. He helps us through this life when we don't know how we're going to do it. In fact, he tells us to grab Him by the neck and hold on tight. Because if we don't, we won't make it. He literally carries us. If we will let him. We are nothing without him. Friday, Lukey would have been left behind without Chris. Christ WON'T leave us behind. But we do have to hold on tight to Him. Yes, there are owies along the way but that's when we come in to help each other. And the Savior doesn't carry us the whole way. Just the parts where we would be left, lost and forgotten. I am so grateful for Him. He's my friend. I love Him.

And that's all I have to say 💕