Temples

B and I walked with the dogs yesterday on Oak Hills Drive where the new Layton Temple is being built.  I was amazed at how quickly the temple is going up.  Although, why should I be surprised by anything the church does?  Everything they do is top notch.  You can’t complain, even if you want to. 

Last night as I looked at the temple in all it’s glory of incompleteness, I thought of the scripture.  You know the one about the body being a temple?  I looked it up.  It’s in Corinthians……

                “What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have

                Of God, and ye are not your own?

                For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”     1 Corinthians 6:19-20

 I am so incomplete.  Inside and outside.  Some of me looks awful.  And yet, there are parts of me that I can tell have God’s touch.  They show that I have potential to be like God and my Jesus.  In a few places are beautiful columns of white granite.  But most of my exterior is a skeleton of what I could become.  Mostly metal.  With a few spots of fiberglass covering that metal.  I have potential. 

Then, to add to the cheesiness of the metaphor, check out the clouds.  I loved them.  They are the remnant of a jet.  But to me, they look like they’re coaxing me forward.   Moving, never stagnating.  Looking more beautiful with each of God’s breaths, propelling me forward to be something I want to be, and know I can become. 

And that HUGE crane in the background…..well, that’s just God taking on the heavy lifting that I can’t manage because of my wimpy arm strength. 

 

 

Bales Of Hay

I was on my way down to visit my mom and take her grocery shopping. 

As I was driving in one of the 5 lanes of 1-15 I noticed a semi-truck in front of me loaded with hay bales.  And there was a lot of them. 

Immediately, I started counting height and length and then quickly did the math in my head.  A small miracle for me if you know me and math.

There were at least 48-50 bales of hay.  And they weren’t little.  These were those HUGE rolls you see in the fields as you drive down south on your way to St. George or north into Idaho.  It was a heavy load.

I got thinking about how many animals that hay would feed.  A lot.  Or just a few for a VERY long time! 

The farm animals (and the farmers who take care of them) depend on this hay for food when winter comes.  They also use it when animals can’t get out to graze in the open fields.  It’s life.

Then I got thinking….what are my hay bales?  Metaphorically speaking?  What feeds me spiritually, emotionally, mentally? 

For one, regular quiet time.  I call it white space.  I NEED white space in my life.  I need time that isn’t scheduled and accounted for.  Quiet time opens me up to creativity.  Quiet time opens me up to inspiration.  It helps me connect with God.  White space rejuvenates me.  It’s air. 

And it’s food.  

Another hay bale is being in nature.  Which usually comes in the form of hiking. 

For me, there is nothing like the smell and the feel of good clean air when I’m hiking or just out in nature.  Even my backyard can be a bale of hay to me.  Because I love being outside, I have made my yard a hay bale.  I believe it’s a hay bale because all nature is a witness of its creator. 

Yoga is a hay bale.  I love stretching and working muscles while at the same time being kind to my body.

Reading a good book can definitely be a hay bale.  Instead of muscles, I am stretching my brain and thoughts. 

I have many other bales of hay that ‘feed’ me. 

As I write these words about being fed and finding rejuvenation, I find it ironic and the subject very timely considering the events in the world the last two days. 

I didn’t plan it this way.

This was just the subject for my next post.

 Can I just say that God is a God of ‘no coincidences’?

 

 

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?

Nothing can cause more shame, guilt, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy than that question.  Especially when it’s asked directly to me. 

Satan knows it too. 

And he’s ready at every opportunity to exploit those feelings I have of not being enough.

My days aren’t huge and jam packed with ‘doing’.  Days that are too full keep me off balance.  But I do like to feel useful.

Our culture makes women feel like they should be doing it all. Being a wife and mother.  AND having a career.  Oh, and did I say that you have to be successful at the afore mentioned career? Isn’t the LDS logo a Beehive?

When I was younger, I wanted nothing more than to be a mom.  That was my chosen career.  And luckily, I was able to do that.  I guess I’ll always be a mother, won’t I?

I have had part time jobs along the way.  Until B was making enough money.  Then I could just focus on the kids.

I even went back to school.  Then S died, and that took the wind out of my book learning self.  It took the wind out of a lot of things I was doing and wanted to do.

Once the kids were gone, my full-time mom-job was over.  What was I going to do?

Hence, the question….’what have you been up to?’ haunts me.  I don’t have a career outside my house.

I have tried.  But I haven’t been very successful at it. 

When C asked me that question this last week, he was just asking for the sake of conversation.  And because he’s a kind thoughtful kid.  But it cut me to the core.  And Satan knew it.  I was immediately in that space of shame and ‘not enough’. 

Then as I was swimming in all of that inadequacy, a kind loving Heavenly Father brought remembrance to my mind.  I had the preschool.  I had the flower preservation business. Which I started on my own from scratch.  I actually made $$ with the business.  But for reasons only known to God, it ended. 

I have worked off and on since high school at DB.  I job I loved because I love reading so much.  But could I get a job there, for love or money, in the last 2-3 years?  Nope.  I would apply….and nothing.  I gave it to God.  Telling him that if he wanted me to work there, please let it happen.  I was putting forth my best effort in applying.

R also wanted me to work with her at Jimmy’s, with the flowers.  She said I would be a perfect fit with the other ladies who worked downstairs with her.  I gave that one to God too.  Saying if it was right, to please let me work there.  Nothing.  Even R was baffled as to why I wasn’t hired.  I had the qualifications.  But God didn’t want it.

I have done Meals on Wheels and loved it.

Willow and I have volunteered and LOVED that too.  The pandemic has put a screeching halt to that.  I definitely look forward to the days when Willow and I can get back to the schools where she can do her ‘therapy’ work.  Which ends up being therapy for me too. 

Unfortunately, when the question “What have you been up to”? gets asked, I immediately think of my quiet days and that I should be ‘doing’ or working somewhere like Jimmy’s or DB to fill my hours.

Then I hear that voice that has become increasingly familiar and calming…. ‘Don’t you think you would have had those jobs if I had wanted you to?’

I’m where God wants me.  Doing what God wants me to do.